blackmarketmuse

Rumours have run rampant this week on gossip websites about the possible existence of a Britney Spears sex tape. Her ex-boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, an english paparazzo with epically sleazy facial hair is reportedly looking to sell the 2 hour long sex tape, starring Miss Spears, himself and the entire contents of the taco bell menu. (Well, he had to seduce her somehow, didn’t he?) He went on the record denying his intentions to sell and even the very existence of such a tape, however, there has been speculation that Britney (or someone acting on her behalf),  bought the tape from him in an effort to protect her image.

 Personally, I think releasing the tape would be a smart move for her. Since getting hitched to k.fed and popping out two of his babies, Britney has been on a steady decline, from Hollywood superstar to redneck baby mama. No one has attempted to corner the trailer trash porn market, so why not the Queen of the Trailer Park? She has already become a sort of red state idol, with her trucker hats, cut off shorts and barefoot gas station bathroom trips. All she needs now is a mullet and she’ll be knighted in the church of nascar. She should take this opportunity to appeal to the common American and make a ton of money, though it might all be one dollar bills coated in stripper stank. I can just see the release party now, Starbucks frappucinos flowing freely, tables piled high with bags of cheetos and gift bags stuffed with cheap platinum blonde hair extensions, marlboro lights and copies of her sex tape on dvd “Britney Spears: Business in the Front, Party in the Back.” It’s guaranteed to be a success. After all, Britney Spears epitomizes the red, white and blue. Redneck, White Trash, Blue Collar.

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